It can be hard to think that there will be a time in some relationships when it is time to stop hoping. Below are a few signs that it is time to give up hope that your relationship is going to change as well as the difference in heathy reasoning and wishful thinking when it comes to change. You may believe in your relationship, but are you simply wishing for a miracle that can never happen.
The first thing you must learn is the difference between being wishful and being hopeful. Then, if necessary, find the strength and courage to move forward by either working together towards unity or accepting the end and moving on. Before you can really explore the difference between heathy hope for a relationship and simple wishful thinking, you must know what you are hoping for. You need to know how you want your relationship to change and what you wish was different. If you have a fear of change, you need to let the relationship go. Most people stay in bad relationships because they are scared or reluctant to change. Many people stay simply for stability, not happiness. Look at the ways to know when it is time to let go of hope.
If you are staying in a relationship only because you are scared to be alone, then admit it. Maybe you dislike change or fear being a single parent. Perhaps you worry about making ends meet and taking care of a home or worry you will never find someone new. Be honest with yourself about what you are feeling. Before you know if it is time to give up hope, you must know yourself well. Figure out exactly what you are hoping for and why you are staying. Write out your deepest dreams and hopes while also working through failures and disappointments. The more you know about yourself, the easier it is to decide what needs to happen.
Know the Difference: Healthy Hope or Wishful Thinking
Healthy hope goes beyond yearning and an expectation that things will change. It means you have a specific basis for believing that the relationship can and is in transition. The hope is based on objective reasoning to believe that your relationship can change to make it different and better than it is at this moment. On the other hand, if you wish your relationship would change with no real reason to believe that, then it is just wishful thinking. If your hopes have no real foundation then there is no real reason to believe real change is in the future.
Specific Reasons You’re Hoping
There are a few objective reasons to hold onto hope realistically:
- You and your partner have discussed, openly and honestly, about the changes you hope to see.
- You and your partner are holding to the belief that real change can be made.
- Both partners have specifically identified ways to change the relationship.
- You are both aware of specific things to do to reconnect as a couple and are willing to focus on these.
Your specific things can vary, but if you can agree on one thing there is hope, if not it is time to move on.
Both you and your partner must be honest with yourselves. If you have consulted family, friends, and forums to see if there is hope then you already know it is a problem. Be honest enough to accept the truth. Some other signs include:
- You believe it only takes love, without change to turn a relationship.
- You have been waiting a long time for your partner to change without seeing a difference.
- You are being passive in waiting for your partner to love you in the ways you need.
- You are ignoring warning signs because you think you can love things right.
True Source of Hope
Perhaps your relationship problems are a sign of a larger problem. A higher power or belief in God can be helpful in times of trouble. If your partner is your only source of peace, joy, and freedom, then give up hope in the relationship because no other person can provide that for someone else. God can offer these things, but it has to be an individual decision. You have to do the work, but He can give you what you feel is missing. God is the true source of hope.