Whether it’s a friend’s boyfriend, a movie star, or somebody who’s just not right for us, usually what we find most attractive and appealing is that which we can’t have.
As the old saying goes, the heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. Perhaps it’s because we consume too much fiction about love, or maybe we really like suffering. Whatever the case, there’s no logical explanation for why we fall in love with the impossible.
The impossible may be something you frequently desire in your life if:
- for whatever reasons, you’ve eyed up people you can’t have.
- you feel attracted to people who are engaged or married.
- you get an adrenalin rush from forbidden situations.
People seem determined to turn love into either torture or utopia. Directing their feelings towards a person they can’t attain sabotages their efforts from the start and prevents the possibility to find an actual partner that they can touch, laugh with, and kiss.
Everyone has a right to do whatever they want in their life. The problem lies in how we suffer for our choices, habits, or decisions. And though this article is geared towards women, these behaviors are not limited exclusively to women. Men also sabotage relationships before they can begin by loving the impossible, so they too can benefit. Here are some of the reasons you may fall in love with the impossible, along with advice on how you can stop doing this.
- You value what you can’t have.
This can happen in many different areas. You always seek what you feel you’re missing, what’s unique, or what you can not obtain, when you’re shopping, when you’re looking for a job…or when you’re attracted to somebody! For example, you may fall in love with a married man because the fact that he’s “taken” leads you to think that he must really worth it. If one or more other people value him positively, you notice him and your attraction level increases.
- You’re bored.
You feel like you can’t put up with routines anymore. You may feel like you have a routine and very monotonous life, so you’re attracted to challenges. You seek novel ways to change your day-to-day experience. So, you decide to go on an exotic vacation, eat in a restaurant that offers novel dishes, or more harmfully, seek a difficult person to transform and win over. Another way to bust up routines is to break the rules and chase the impossible.
To stop this, pay attention to the people who already care about you. This doesn’t mean you’re obligated to fall in love with your best friend or somebody else you already know. But you often focus on unrequited love, denying yourself the opportunity to be open to the possibilities that come from just looking around yourself.
- You lack self-esteem or confidence.
This applies not only to love, but also to other situations. Many people only know how to set goals that are nearly impossible to achieve. Doing this assures them that in case of failure, they’re not solely to blame.
This is explanation has nothing to do with you. Your failure to achieve the goal that you set only results from the difficulty of the goal you set. You never admit that part of the goalsetting process was betting against yourself that you would fail.
You need to set aside your negative thoughts. Trust your personality and abilities. Your love may be unrequited because the object of your love doesn’t know all of the good things that you have to offer. Don’t hide your true personality! Remember that you have to love yourself before you can receive love from others.
- You fear commitment.
This is just another excuse for avoiding serious relationships. You settle for spending time with somebody who must return home afterward, or pining for the attention of a work colleague. Just as you subconsciously don’t want to commit, you choose somebody you know will not match well to you.
Thinking that dating somebody who’s already married is the best you can aspire to debases you. You don’t deserve this. Your misbelief that falling for the impossible is the best way for you to avoid commitment may be rooted in the pain and suffering of the failure of a previous relationship. Feeling certain that you’re unlucky in love will not help you to meet your better half.
- You’re an incurable romantic.
Women especially like to think of themselves as protagonists in fictional stories as told in movies and novels. These stories always end beautifully, and the characters live happily ever after. Visualizing your partner as the hero of your story will idealize him so much that you fear the reality of this love.
To avoid this, you must remember that life is not a movie. If you expect a knight on a white horse to slay that dragon on top of your castle or to come rescue you from the evil witch, you need to wake up. Idealizing a relationship may be what’s preventing you from meeting the true love of your life.
You can stop falling in love with the impossible. You have to put your best foot forward. Start by trusting that you can do it. Consider the excuses and reasons that led you to fall for the wrong people.