New love has the ability to make all common sense fly out the window as we are drunk on the fun of the beginning, but when we are not paying attention, we may miss the red flags that the relationship is really doomed from the start. Read on to discover the early signs that it likely won’t last.
While it is wonderful to find someone who shares a hobby, favorite food, or favorite show to binge watch, there is much more that truly makes a relationship tick. If you do not share the core values, the ones you hold most dear. It is vital for a couple who is going to last to share a vision for the future. This includes the areas of finance, family, lifestyle, world contributions, and family. If there are massive differences from the beginning, then that person is likely not for you.
Keep Up Your Guard
Not everyone is an open book, but when you have been with someone for a while, it should become easier to open up. If you find yourself unable to open up at all, then this likely means there is no future. Honest communication can be difficult, but sharing your fears, love, and hope you have to be real and trusting.
Do No Wrong
If your new love never admits to wrongdoing or feels no contrition when something happens, it is a huge red flag. This likely means the relationship will not last, but also means that you should step out of it if it is not corrected quickly.
Suspicion can kill a relationship quickly. If you give your partner and unexpected gift and they immediately assume you cheated or did something wrong when you haven’t, then there is a problem. This is often a partner projecting their own issues onto you, but this will not normally improve once the suspicion starts. This will not last long term.
When a new love seems to enjoy testing you, especially your patience by not replying to texts for hours, but being on social media during the same time posting then there will not likely be a long-term relationship with that person. These are impossible tests to see if you will wait for them and they are truly a fool’s errand.
Spiritually Out of Sync
There are some topics that should not be approached at a dinner party, like that of religion, finances, and politics, but when considering a long-term relationship, these are things that must be discussed openly. Lay out your beliefs early on in as much honesty as possible. Explain both theoretically and practically to one another. How the other person reacts will speak volumes.
Hot and Cold
Hot and cold behaviors are often a sign someone is not really ready to commit. If one week your new partner is planning a weekend full of activities and calling daily, then silence the next week without explanation, then do not expect things to last long-term.
If it is there way or the highway with movies, restaurants, and people you hang out with, this person will be unlikely to ever consider your thoughts and feelings. Better to move on early.
Mean to Others
Watch how your new person is with salespeople and wait staff. If they are short tempered or lose their cool often, then beware. You will likely be next as the relationship advances.
Defining the Relationship
If you have been together for a couple months and have not yet defined what the relationship is, a fling, open, or something long-term, then their may be a problem. If your new love avoids this conversation or makes jokes, it is highly disrespectful and may mean they cannot handle defining things. It takes maturity to have this conversation.
Even sarcasm and joking can be hurtful when used in certain ways. If your partner is causing your confidence to tank, it is time to get out. In fact, this type of hyper criticalness can be a form of emotional abuse that is designed to make sure that you feel like they are the only person who cares. They are not the only person in the world that loves you and you deserve more than someone who treats you horribly. It may be time to end the relationship if they are not willing to work on the problem.
Friends and Family
Typically, our friends and family want what is best for you. They also have the view of the relationship from the outside. If they feel this person is wrong in several ways, or see red flags, then it may be worth considering before getting serious.
Likes and Dislikes
All people are different, but if the new person wants to talk about their day, likes, and dislikes, but never asks about yours and then listens, it is a red flag. They have little interest in you personally and are just benefitting from someone who will listen.
Unbridled emotional experiences and being swept up in pure passion are not bad, unless that is all there is in the relationship. If the intensity lasts for months into the relationship then it is a warning sign of obsession, not something sustainable.
If you have given up yourself, your hobbies, and your love of something that used to be a huge part of your life for a relationship, then pump the brakes. You may have lost yourself in the relationship and this can lead to dependency.