What is it they say about only hurting the ones you love? Or absence makes the heart grow fonder? Whatever it is, he was once enraptured by your every word and now he is distant. He misses every second or third call you make and he doesn’t answer some of your texts at all. Sometimes when this happens we do the first thing that comes to mind, grab on to him even tighter.
If you started out hot and heavy, you decide to bring back the stilettos and mini-skirts, whatever it takes to appear prettier and hotter. You do whatever you can to remind him of how attractive you are. Unfortunately this doesn’t work because you are going to put yourself last. This is incredibly unhealthy because your self worth will drop in direct proportion to how insane you appear.
So now you feel and look desperate and you are in uncomfortable clothes.
Our previous experiences have left us with abandonment issues and now you are desperately trying to be anything he wants everything except yourself. What do you want to change? He liked you in the first place and you were just being you then.
So why do you act this way? Nothing has changed but now you are on two different pages. How do you fix this? Does it need to fixed?
Think about the ideal relationship you have in mind. He has no idea what this ideal looks like. It doesn’t do you any good to think that things would be better if he paid more attention to you. He is the way he is right now.
You are in charge of how you deal with it.
Here are your choices:
Ask him what is going on. Ask if you are using the connection you used to have. If you ask him, you have to be ready to hear any thing and everything he has to say.
Whatever he has to say, listen to him. Know that finding out the truth is better than waiting and worrying for days and months. If he is not comfortable with the direct approach, ask yourself if it is worth waiting this rough patch out for awhile or if you don’t want to be involved with someone who can’t communicate.
It’s also possible that the distance has nothing to do with you. Maybe he’s having a hard time at work, or the phone policies have changed. There are many things that can be contributing to his distance.
If he doesn’t want to talk about it, don’t push. Just let him know you are there to listen should he need to talk.
Take this time to focus on yourself.
Put all of that time you were going to spend on becoming his perfect woman into becoming your best self. Do something you truly enjoy.
This serves to both distract you and to help you develop your own interests. While you taking this space and time you need, you can reexamine your relationship.
This distance can be the best thing for both of you. He may discover that he misses you and will begin to respect you for having your own life and interests.
And, you always have the option of letting the whole thing go. If he is distant, let him stay distant and move on. It can be hard to realize and admit, but somethings aren’t meant to be. Give up on what you have imagined and move on. You deserve better than someone you have to jump through hoops for. There is someone out there who will treat you the way you want and deserve to be treated.
